For Every Woman Who is Sick of “Starting Over”

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I probably shouldn’t start this post with a quote from the rapper Drake, but the lyrics to “Too Much” just seem to fit how I’m feeling:

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Am I the only person on earth who gets tired of starting over?

New diet.

New relationships.

New routine.

New job.

New attitude.

New affirmations.

…Get freakin’ old.

I’m sick of starting over and here’s why:

I’m sick of starting over because just the idea of it gives me the sense that everything I did before doesn’t matter or was wrong. That the life as I knew it was crap and that the lessons I learned are less valid than the ones to come.

I’m sick of starting over because square one isn’t where I want or need to be. When I get lost when traveling, I don’t say to myself: “Well crap, I’m lost. I’m starting over.” Then drive all the way back to my starting point and start the journey again. No, because that would be crazy. I simply retrace my steps, figure out where my journey went wrong and start again from a place where I’m familiar.

Life is like that.10-20-2014-when-I-take-wrong-turn

I shouldn’t feel the need to scrap everything and start over, but I’m so guilty of that.

The idea of clearing my plate of everything and starting over is empowering to some extent, but how much value does that place on the foundation I’ve been building all my life?

I can’t undo my bad habits without addressing them.

I can’t erase my limiting beliefs without analyzing them.

I can’t undo my defense mechanisms without realizing them.

The idea of “starting over” without taking the time to figure out what I have, what I need to keep and what I need to let go of is like throwing a bunch of white sheets over furniture and pretending the furniture isn’t there anymore.

It’s still there. And eventually I’ll either get sick of bumping into it or I’ll settle back into the habits, beliefs and defense mechanisms that are comfortable.

This is why I’m sick of starting over. Because you never really can start over. You just can’t.

You were made perfect to begin with. Believe that. You just have to get back to you.

Plus, starting over based on what you — in your fractured, effed-up state — think you need to do is just all wrong. That’s like driving while under the influence of alcohol. Your perception is skewed. You don’t really know what you need and most of the time you end up doing too much, going too far and then, a few months later, there’s the need to start over again. I’m speaking from experience here.

If you’re a woman who is sick of starting over, join me. What we need to do is to edit our lives in order to get to who we truly are. I know a few amazing editors and one thing they all say is: editing is not about adding things or scrapping a whole piece, it’s about figuring out what the core of the story is by taking away what you don’t need.

Like a robin’s egg that’s covered in layers of mud, you don’t simply throw the egg against a wall forsaking the mud and the contents of the mud in one shot.

No, you sponge off the mud with delicacy and care because you want to be gentle with the contents.

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So I’m done starting over. I choose to keep who I am in this moment and simply clean off the layers I no longer need.

Part of this means experimenting often to discover which things are good in my life and which things I can let go or edit. View my latest experiment here.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Xo,

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PS: When you chase a goal, mighty forces will come to your aid. I had this post scheduled for today, but was debating whether or not to publish it. When I opened my YouVersion Bible app this morning my Joyce Meyer’s plan gave me the following advice for today, which I think aligns nicely:

“Look from the Place Where You Are.

It seems that life always has its ways of bringing us to a place where we need to make a fresh start.

In the Bible, Abram found himself in that very place when his nephew Lot chose the best land in the area, leaving Abram with the less desirable land. But God didn’t abandon Abram. Instead He showed up and gave Abram a bold new vision.

“The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west….’ “ Gen. 13:14

Experiment #1: No TV, No Netflix + No Hulu for 1 Week

Let’s experiment a little.

It’s that time of year when I start reflecting on the journey and results of this year and thinking about what I want to accomplish next year.

This time is otherwise known as “freak-the-eff-out” time.

The fact that I’ll be 30-years-old in less than 90 days has inspired many a “what am I doing with my life?!” comments and infinitely more “dying a little inside” sessions. This time of the year coupled with other current personal challenges, has me resisting my greatest hits of go-to “freak out” actions:

1. Tail-spin into an “I can’t do anything right!” belief (…because a few things aren’t ideal) AKA the abyss of overreaction.

or

2. An ineffective and ultimately short-lived “I’ll totally forsake what I really want because it’s too scary to address and just dive into an identity that isn’t completely me.”

If you couldn’t tell by now, this post is about to get real. Really real.

I believe, my dear readers, it is time to do something a little different.

I woke up this morning with the profound urge to experiment and the conviction that life HAS to be more fun if you look at it like one big experiment to get to the perfect YOU recipe.

By the way, I think the perfect YOU recipe is a matter of distillation not addition. #Boom

So that’s what I’m doing: distilling until I get back to who I am via one big public experiment…because, let’s face it, part of who I am is a lover of all things digital. I’ve known that since my first bright pink digital diary.

First experiment on the books: Stop seeking escape and start seeking life.

I realize that sounds all complex and WTF-ambitious-first-experiment-much, but the truth is, my process for this first experiment will be simple.

10-20-2014-Experiment-No-TVWant the rules? Here they are:

No TV, no Netflix, no Hulu, etc. for one week.

Holy Olivia Pope withdrawalsHow am I going to live without Kerry Washington for a week? But wait, I didn’t finish watching How To Get Away With Murder (fave line in the whole season so far) from last week. Am I supposed to miss TWO episodes? And so on and so forth….

I like to imagine that my highest-self is inside my mind responding to these frantic musings with something like this.

Those are the rules and I’m sticking to them.

Now, there are only two allowances to this rule.

1. Watching the NEWS is acceptable in the case of a national emergency, disaster or if it is DIRECTLY related to some of the work I’m doing (e.i. you have a client who is featured on TV).

2. If you want to be (insert Russell Crowe Gladiator voice) entertained…read a book, boo.

So that’s experiment #1 and I’m starting it today. For you, it starts whenever you like, but now is always a good time. :-)

Want to join me?

Comment below or tag your social posts with #pursuitofme + #mylifeexperiment and feel free to share this post with others who might be interested.

xo,

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Your Money Model – sample of “7 Keys to Creating a Profitable Online Brand” class

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This is content from my “7 Keys to Creating a Profitable Online Brand” class.

Your money model is the baseline of your business.

Because making money strategically is what makes it a business.

You’re in the business of experience creation. That experience is a direct result of your product. You’re monetizing your spoken and unspoken promises in the form of products that people can buy and enjoy.

The point of this article is to give you a bird’s eye view of how your brand makes money — or could make money.

Let’s dive in.

People-funnel-web

I like to talk about the idea of a sales funnel as the basis of the money model. At a basic level, a sales funnel is the structure you create to produce revenue for your business.

It looks like a funnel — wide at the top, smaller at the bottom — and it’s shaped that way because, in sales a lot of people go into the top of the sales funnel, but not many come out the bottom because there’s always some sort of investment to be made at the bottom.

That said, it’s a numbers game. The more people you put into the top of the funnel, the more people you will have come out the bottom.

When it comes to your business, I suggest turning the sales funnel on the side and dividing the funnel into four parts in order to create a structure that looks something like this:

Free | Exchange | Low-cost | High-cost

What this means is:

Free (offer): What you give away for free

Exchange (offer): What you give in exchange for an email address

Low-cost (offer): What you give in exchange for a low-cost

High-cost (offer): What you give in exchange for a high-cost

The FREE offerings represent the wider end of the funnel – meaning, for most people, this will be an entry point to your brand. Not many will get to the high-cost offer, but each step along the way is designed to build trust with them to funnel them to that point.

Remember, the price point for the low-cost and high-cost offers depend on your brand.

Now, don’t get too caught up in the mechanics of the structure, but just know that a sales funnel needs to be designed to gradually funnel people towards the goal you want them to take.

So here are some examples of possible offers:

“Free offerings” might be: website/blog content, chapter excerpts on amazon, free samples.

“Exchange offers” might be: exclusive content via an email newsletter, an email coupon, deleted scenes from a previous work.

Low-cost offers might be: a $.99 novella, a $25 guidebook, a subscription service.

High-cost offers might be: a book bundle, consulting services, an online program.

Why are the levels important? Why not charge for everything?

Giving away an experience with your brand for free gives people a no-cost way to see if they will like you. I can’t express how essential this is — nor how simple this is. Yes, providing valuable/entertaining content on your website or blog counts!

Giving away an experience in exchange for an email address is a low-risk way for people to see if they are willing to invest their dollars, plus it gives you a way to contact them about your paid offers.

When it comes to the other keys to creating a profitable online brand, they each work to drive the right people to your sales funnel and each step within the funnel should strategically point to the next to create a seamless experience.

It’s not enough to just have content that hits each point in the funnel. The content has to work together to get people to your end goal — making money.

THINK: What content can/do you share at each step in your sales funnel?